Presents... you usually cannot judge the gift by the wrapping. Some gifts are so beautifully packaged but the contents are a let down. Other times the packaging looks decidedly unpromising but the content turns out to be just the thing I wanted/needed/could use.
Last year I received an Unexpected Gift in Unusual Wrapping.
On Friday 26 April 2008, I was diagnosed to have Stage III breast cancer. It means that the breast cancer cells had spread from the breast into my lymph nodes but thankfully not into any of my organs.
It was just a week before, on Saturday, that I went to see my GP Dr Neo about a firm, irregular-shaped lump in my right breast. Her first question after examining me was, “Why did you wait so long before coming?” “Oops! not good news”, I thought but I was optimistic that it would be okay. The following Tuesday I went to see Dr Yap, a breast surgeon who sent me for ultrasound, mammogram and did a biopsy (took a sample of the lump for investigation).
All through the week, I was praying and getting friends and family to pray and hoping that it would not be cancer but just a harmless lump of fat or scar tissue. Reuben and I went to the surgeon’s clinic on Friday to hear the results of the biopsy. It was cancer – not the news we wanted. God does not always answer the way I want but He gave me the peace, calm and preparedness to accept the cancer.
Dr Karen Yap explained that because the cancer had spread, I would need to see an oncologist to discuss treatment options. Probably I would receive chemotherapy before surgery and then radiation therapy. I remember thinking, and telling her, that it was easier to die than undergo treatment. I was and still am confident that when I die, I will go to heaven where there is no more disease or pain. It’s a definite, secure and certain hope because Jesus promises it to everyone who believes in him and receives him as Lord.
Undergoing chemotherapy was different - I had heard many scary stories of how sick you can get - and I don't like feeling sick and weak, I fear pain and discomfort. I am thankful that my chemotherapy regimen was not as bad as I had anticipated.
However, I did suffer some pain. There were days when I felt very sick, very weak, and very uncomfortable. There were days when I felt depressed and down about being “limited” and confined by the disease and treatment. The chemotherapy drugs brought on sleepless nights and bad dreams which in turn brought tears and sadness. Remembering my father who died when I was 6+, and whom I still miss dearly, made me cry at the prospect of my children without a mum and husband without a helper.
I prayed fervently that the Lord will give me a few more years. God has answered my prayers, all my treatment went well and the latest tests did not detect any cancer in my body. However as every cancer patient knows, the possibility of recurrence is ever present, like a sword suspended over your head.
Being a Christian does not guarantee me a life of absolute health, wealth and ease or a life without pain, discomfort, inconvenience. But it gives me the assurance that whatever I go through, God has purposed it for my good.
Throughout this cancer experience, I and my family have been blessed. God has given me wonderful gifts and blessing wrapped up in the cancer package:-
- Facing the prospect of death is sobering – knowing that despite advances in medical technology, death is inevitable. I read of a lady who survived breast cancer for several years, only to be knocked down by a car. I need to be prepared to die at anytime.
- Facing the prospect of death gives new urgency to life – I prayed that God will give me more years and I pray for life in the years, not just a meaningless existence. I want to live a fulfilling life of adventures with God, a life the bible describes as “life that is truly life”. It has prompted me to check that I have not left undone the things that I should do.
- I have grown in my faith in God – I know I need to trust Him in everything and I know He can be trusted with everything. Even if my cancer returns, He is in control and I can depend on Him.
- I have experienced God in a deeper way – know firsthand that He is all I need:
- He is with me everywhere, all the time. There are many places family, loved ones, friends cannot go with me but God can. He hears my groans and cries when no one else is around.
- He is powerful. There are burdens no one can help carry; pain that none can bear on my behalf or relieve, but God can and He does.
- He is the God of the impossible. He gives joy in sadness, hope in futility, strength in weakness, peace in chaos, security in danger, calm in storms, comfort in pain and guidance and assurance in confusion.
- He supplies all my needs
- My family has experienced what it means to be in God’s family. We experienced God’s love expressed and demonstrated by fellow Christians. Many prayed for us, visited, fed us, transported us, encouraged us, sent us letters and cards, e-mails.
So, while I would be hard pressed to think of cancer as a gift, I see it as the wrapping in which all these precious gifts from God came.
Romans 8: 28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
