Wow! the weekend went quickly. I had a good break and some extended quiet times. I felt energetic today and was able to make cheesecake for dessert - a surprise for the family and to welcome them back.
The family returned from church camp at 3pm. They all enjoyed themselves very much although Reuben was a bit stressed with keeping tabs on the kids. The children had extended time to spend with their friends. Reuben found the talks relevant, meaningful and comforting; and the sharing encouraging and uplifting. Camps are great for extended time of fellowship and getting to know others.
This past weeks since my diagnosis, God has been giving me opportunities to catch up with old friends. Lynette, my dear friend and flatmate in Australia drove me to one of my check ups with Dr Wong. She waited with me and then we had a good talk over lunch.
Yesterday I met our friends Young and Wilson Quilindo at church. They used to live in Singapore about 7 years ago and were part of my music team at church - Wilson is great on the guitar and Young sings. Now based in New York City, they were in town to visit family. We had lunch and then came to have coffee at our house.
Yesterday evening Amy and Chong Kiat came to visit. I used to sing with them in their group the Cross Connection - that's where I learnt how to sing contemporary style. Before that, I only knew how to sing "choir style" because of my many years in school and church choirs. I miss singing in a group and hearing the harmony of the parts... sends chills down my spine. I think that's one of the things I will start doing again soon.
Lynette Lo, Chong Kiat's sister, calls regularly to ask after me and talk even though her own health is not tip top. She even made lemon grass tea for me and delivered it when she read that it's good for killing cancer cells.
My old childhood friends from BP came to visit and pray for me after my first chemo. Although we all live quite near each other in Singapore, we don't see each other often (once in 2-3 years?). Ling Ling has been to my place several times now to help me with insurance matters and calls to encourage me. Each time she comes laden with food for the family. My friend Ps Leslie makes time to fast and pray for me.
It's been a full week - praise God for each day lived to the full.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Sleepless in Singapore
Last night I had trouble sleeping. After tossing and turning for what seemed like ages, I finally fell asleep but woke up at 3 am and was unable to sleep again til 6 am and then phone rang at 8.30am.
I'm feeling sleepy but when I lay in bed, sleep does not come. Today a bit more aches and pains especially in my shoulder (bad posture!) and the pain does not go away even when I'm lying down. Hmmm could it be a side effect of the chemo? I was told by a friend that she has nerve damage from chemo and now her toes and fingers are numb.
Please pray for sleep tonight and protection of my nerves. Must go out and buy Neurobion - a supplement that protects the nerves.
I'm feeling sleepy but when I lay in bed, sleep does not come. Today a bit more aches and pains especially in my shoulder (bad posture!) and the pain does not go away even when I'm lying down. Hmmm could it be a side effect of the chemo? I was told by a friend that she has nerve damage from chemo and now her toes and fingers are numb.
Please pray for sleep tonight and protection of my nerves. Must go out and buy Neurobion - a supplement that protects the nerves.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Antibiotics
Today I woke up with my left maxillary sinus blocked and my frontal sinuses hurting. The slight cough I've had since 2 weeks ago seemed more irritating than ever. Did not sleep so well. *sigh* time to start eating the antibiotics that Dr KW had given me on standby. Was hoping it would not be necessary.
The ulcer in my gum is healing, feels less painful and the "wound" is getting smaller. I did not have to take drastic action of brushing till it bleeds and salting it.
I am eating well again, the woozy feeling is gone and even my abdomen is not twisting and turning. Praise God for big and small blessings. My God is a Red Sea-splitting God.
The ulcer in my gum is healing, feels less painful and the "wound" is getting smaller. I did not have to take drastic action of brushing till it bleeds and salting it.
I am eating well again, the woozy feeling is gone and even my abdomen is not twisting and turning. Praise God for big and small blessings. My God is a Red Sea-splitting God.
Isaiah 43:1b-2 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Love Outpoured
I am so thankful for all my friends. Especially the beautiful extended Christian family I have from church and BSF. You have been such a blessing to me and to my family.
Since my diagnosis to now, we have received much love in the form of practical help and been well fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some of what we received this week:
Last Friday - Karen Lim took my brood of 4 with her own 3 to ice-skating, lunch, bowling and swimming.
Sunday - Chiew Wan, Nam and Angeline came to visit, bringing ice-cream, juice, eyebrow pencil to teach me how draw it; Susan dropped an eyebrow template in my mailbox (hah, it will be easy peasy to draw it!); Hazel brough chicken essence.
Monday - Vera took Jonathan, who'd sprained his ankle, and David to a chinese sinseh for massage, followed by McDonalds and ice cream from Island Creamery. Joyce brought ice cream from Daily Scoop. My friend Diane and her family drove from KL just to visit and pray, bearing organic dragon fruit and freshly made noodles.
Tuesday - Siang Hwa came with cookies and to certify something for me.
Wednesday - Siang Hwa again with chlorhexidine and supplements.
Thursday - Mona Chia came to visit with me, bringing lychee and mangoes and prayer.
Today - my friend Carol called from Melbourne. Siew Lian brought grapes, papaya, and a whole fresh fish! 4 of my friends from BSF Bukit Batok, Vera, Joyce, Tai Wan, Alison brought lunch - salad, prawns, baked fish, cauliflower soup, char siew, bread, cakes, papaya, pears. We had a feast!
Christine See brought me a book by Philip Yancey on Prayer, a pouch that Kurt (her son) had personalised for me! Kah Choo sent me a bottle of concentrated birds nest, Grace Seow sent fruits. My music team at church sent me a hamper with chicken essence, fish essence, birds nest. I've also been loaned an Omega juicer by Hao Hsing. 2boxes of surgical masks came from Adrian and Esther and Yeap. Jaime & Hang brought cakes and a Bible in MP3 format. Laura Yan cooked white fungus with lotus and gingko seeds.
I have been loaned and given books Cancer Battle Plan Linda, Hope for the Journey through Cancer from Clem and Ailin, When It Pours He Reigns from my sister in law Amanda, books on juicing etc.
I want to thank and acknowledge each of you but if I missed missed your name, it's not that I don't appreciate you. Thank you for pouring out love for us. We long to have opportunity to bless you in return.
Since my diagnosis to now, we have received much love in the form of practical help and been well fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some of what we received this week:
Last Friday - Karen Lim took my brood of 4 with her own 3 to ice-skating, lunch, bowling and swimming.
Sunday - Chiew Wan, Nam and Angeline came to visit, bringing ice-cream, juice, eyebrow pencil to teach me how draw it; Susan dropped an eyebrow template in my mailbox (hah, it will be easy peasy to draw it!); Hazel brough chicken essence.
Monday - Vera took Jonathan, who'd sprained his ankle, and David to a chinese sinseh for massage, followed by McDonalds and ice cream from Island Creamery. Joyce brought ice cream from Daily Scoop. My friend Diane and her family drove from KL just to visit and pray, bearing organic dragon fruit and freshly made noodles.
Tuesday - Siang Hwa came with cookies and to certify something for me.
Wednesday - Siang Hwa again with chlorhexidine and supplements.
Thursday - Mona Chia came to visit with me, bringing lychee and mangoes and prayer.
Today - my friend Carol called from Melbourne. Siew Lian brought grapes, papaya, and a whole fresh fish! 4 of my friends from BSF Bukit Batok, Vera, Joyce, Tai Wan, Alison brought lunch - salad, prawns, baked fish, cauliflower soup, char siew, bread, cakes, papaya, pears. We had a feast!
Christine See brought me a book by Philip Yancey on Prayer, a pouch that Kurt (her son) had personalised for me! Kah Choo sent me a bottle of concentrated birds nest, Grace Seow sent fruits. My music team at church sent me a hamper with chicken essence, fish essence, birds nest. I've also been loaned an Omega juicer by Hao Hsing. 2boxes of surgical masks came from Adrian and Esther and Yeap. Jaime & Hang brought cakes and a Bible in MP3 format. Laura Yan cooked white fungus with lotus and gingko seeds.
I have been loaned and given books Cancer Battle Plan Linda, Hope for the Journey through Cancer from Clem and Ailin, When It Pours He Reigns from my sister in law Amanda, books on juicing etc.
I want to thank and acknowledge each of you but if I missed missed your name, it's not that I don't appreciate you. Thank you for pouring out love for us. We long to have opportunity to bless you in return.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Down Times
At the end of last week and beginning of this, I felt quite bad. As i said, the side effects are not very severe but drains energy, enthusiasm. Some days i did not feel like reading the bible, did not feel like praying. Thank God for hymns I learned and memorised through Sunday School and years in the choir which help remind me of the Lord.
I've also been reading a book, In the Likeness of God (originally published as 2 books - Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and In His Image), which my sister-in-law Pauline gave me. This is an awe-inspiring page turner (highly recommended!) co-authored by the late Dr Paul Brand, world-renowned hand surgeon and leprosy specialist, and Philip Yancey.
I love the way they examine the design and describe the beauty of the human body. The body which I take for granted is wonderfully designed, each cell, each organ is perfectly suited for its function in the body.
They then examine what the analogy of the church as the body of Christ means.
I've also been reading a book, In the Likeness of God (originally published as 2 books - Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and In His Image), which my sister-in-law Pauline gave me. This is an awe-inspiring page turner (highly recommended!) co-authored by the late Dr Paul Brand, world-renowned hand surgeon and leprosy specialist, and Philip Yancey.
I love the way they examine the design and describe the beauty of the human body. The body which I take for granted is wonderfully designed, each cell, each organ is perfectly suited for its function in the body.
They then examine what the analogy of the church as the body of Christ means.
"The body is one unit, though it is made up of many cells, and though all its cells are many, they form one body... If the white cell should say, because I am not a brain cell, I do not belong to the body, it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.... If all cells were the same, where would the body be? As it is there are many cells but one body." (Paraphrase of 1 Cor 12:12-20 replacing organs with cells)
"That analogy conveys a more precise meaning to me because though a hand or foot or ear cannot have a life separate from the body, a cell does have that potential. It can be part of the body as a loyalist, or it can cling on to its own life. Some cells do choose to live in the body, sharing its benefits while maintaining complete independence - they become parasites or cancer cells."
2 Down, 4 to Go
After a few days of "down time", I am glad to report that I am keeping well and praise God, the fatigue for day 8-10 is over and I am more energetic again.
It's exactly a month since I started chemotherapy, 2 down, 4 to go. When I saw Dr Wong on 20 May, 2 weeks after chemo and feeling quite well, I asked whether she could make the cycles shorter. Instead of chemo once every 3 weeks, how about doing chemo fortnightly and that way i could be over and done with them in 12 weeks instead of 18!
Unfortunately the answer was "No". Every chemo drug has its own half-life (time that it takes for the body to remove 1/2 the infused drug from the body). So we cannot compare chemotherapy regimen from person to person (some daily, others fortnightly etc). It all depends on what cancer, what stage, what type of cells and what the cells are susceptible to. As the drugs that I'm taking have a long half-life, they stay in the body longer and therefore I can only take them every 3 weeks. *Sigh* I cannot have my way about this...
Sometimes I feel like a child on a long road trip, asking constantly, "Are we there yet? When are we going to get there?" I pray for patience, perseverance, endurance for the journey. Some parts of this journey is difficult and slow to pass, the waiting is difficult... A friend who was treated for naso-pharyngeal cancer a couple of years ago shared the pain and suffering she endured... To date, i have suffered very minor side effects so I shall not whine... but I'd like to just share some of it with you.
Sunday night I was starting to have abdominal pains and runny stool. Monday morning I woke up feeling a bit queasy. After drinking a BIG mug of fresh juice - broccoli-carrot-apple-bittergourd-tomato-capsicum (imagine the taste and smell!) I felt even more uneasy! I was restless, so i started chopping and cooking a cream of vegetable soup for lunch (my kids love "ang-moh" style soup).
At 11.30am I felt hungry as I still had not eaten breakfast. The slight nausea had not passed. Finally went to take a few sips of water and that was what opened the flood-gates!
Thankfully after throwing up, I felt much better and was even able to have some of the soup I i cooked (sans cream) with a few spoonfuls of rice thrown in. Since then I have been a bit leery of vege juice, I still drink it but stick with tried and tested combinations like broccoli-carrot-apple or carrot-apple-celery. Maybe bittergourd, tomato and capsicum all in the same concoction was a tad ambitious!
Another nagging thing I am suffering is gingivitis (gum inflammation) next to the last molar on my lower left jaw. It has been there since day 1 of cycle 1 of chemo. It healed a little and flared up again. Somedays the pain is so bad it feels like a toothache. I have been treating it with brushing, saline gargle, sometimes applying salt directly (ouch!!!). My dear friend Siang Hwa came by with a chlorhexidine gargle (antiseptic) and it helps a bit.
Through this, I am remembering to rejoice in the Lord and not the circumstances. More of that later.
It's exactly a month since I started chemotherapy, 2 down, 4 to go. When I saw Dr Wong on 20 May, 2 weeks after chemo and feeling quite well, I asked whether she could make the cycles shorter. Instead of chemo once every 3 weeks, how about doing chemo fortnightly and that way i could be over and done with them in 12 weeks instead of 18!
Unfortunately the answer was "No". Every chemo drug has its own half-life (time that it takes for the body to remove 1/2 the infused drug from the body). So we cannot compare chemotherapy regimen from person to person (some daily, others fortnightly etc). It all depends on what cancer, what stage, what type of cells and what the cells are susceptible to. As the drugs that I'm taking have a long half-life, they stay in the body longer and therefore I can only take them every 3 weeks. *Sigh* I cannot have my way about this...
Sometimes I feel like a child on a long road trip, asking constantly, "Are we there yet? When are we going to get there?" I pray for patience, perseverance, endurance for the journey. Some parts of this journey is difficult and slow to pass, the waiting is difficult... A friend who was treated for naso-pharyngeal cancer a couple of years ago shared the pain and suffering she endured... To date, i have suffered very minor side effects so I shall not whine... but I'd like to just share some of it with you.
Sunday night I was starting to have abdominal pains and runny stool. Monday morning I woke up feeling a bit queasy. After drinking a BIG mug of fresh juice - broccoli-carrot-apple-bittergourd-tomato-capsicum (imagine the taste and smell!) I felt even more uneasy! I was restless, so i started chopping and cooking a cream of vegetable soup for lunch (my kids love "ang-moh" style soup).
At 11.30am I felt hungry as I still had not eaten breakfast. The slight nausea had not passed. Finally went to take a few sips of water and that was what opened the flood-gates!
Thankfully after throwing up, I felt much better and was even able to have some of the soup I i cooked (sans cream) with a few spoonfuls of rice thrown in. Since then I have been a bit leery of vege juice, I still drink it but stick with tried and tested combinations like broccoli-carrot-apple or carrot-apple-celery. Maybe bittergourd, tomato and capsicum all in the same concoction was a tad ambitious!
Another nagging thing I am suffering is gingivitis (gum inflammation) next to the last molar on my lower left jaw. It has been there since day 1 of cycle 1 of chemo. It healed a little and flared up again. Somedays the pain is so bad it feels like a toothache. I have been treating it with brushing, saline gargle, sometimes applying salt directly (ouch!!!). My dear friend Siang Hwa came by with a chlorhexidine gargle (antiseptic) and it helps a bit.
Through this, I am remembering to rejoice in the Lord and not the circumstances. More of that later.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Tired
I've been feeling very tired the last 4 days after chemotherapy and have had neither the inclination nor energy to update the blog. It's an awful feeling to be unable to carry on with routine stuff. Sitting down to bible study, I would constantly be yawning! Last night I finally realised that I was hung over from sedatives!
Reuben woke up then and we spent about an hour talking, sharing, crying. Then we slept - I drifted in an out of sleep a few times. At least the dullness of mind was gone, despite being sleepy, I was able to attend church service again.
Today was a busy day. My friends Chiew Wan, Angeline and Nam from church came to visit. Angeline had bought me an eyebrow pencil and taught me how to draw it! Hazel, Reuben's colleague and our family friend came after, then my brother Harry came to spend some time with us.
My oncologist had prescribed some Ativan tablets to help me sleep better since sleeplessness was a bit of a problem after cycle 1. The pills come in tiny little blue tablets of 0.5mg and I was to take 2 tablets, 2 hours before bed time. I slept well each night (10 hours) but during the day I was feeling extremely tired and sleepy as well. I would take an afternoon nap and still feel tired!
Well, I skipped the tablets last night and had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I woke up at 3 am from a dream of my father, who passed away in 1971 when I was 6+. Even now, 37 years later, I still miss him. I thought of what it would be like for my kids and I cried to the Lord to prolong my life.
Well, I skipped the tablets last night and had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I woke up at 3 am from a dream of my father, who passed away in 1971 when I was 6+. Even now, 37 years later, I still miss him. I thought of what it would be like for my kids and I cried to the Lord to prolong my life.
Psalm 18: 1-6 I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Praise the Lord!
Reuben woke up then and we spent about an hour talking, sharing, crying. Then we slept - I drifted in an out of sleep a few times. At least the dullness of mind was gone, despite being sleepy, I was able to attend church service again.
Today was a busy day. My friends Chiew Wan, Angeline and Nam from church came to visit. Angeline had bought me an eyebrow pencil and taught me how to draw it! Hazel, Reuben's colleague and our family friend came after, then my brother Harry came to spend some time with us.
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