Tuesday was my first BSF class day in 8 weeks... I've missed my leaders and the ladies in my class. It was a joy to be back. I shared with the class about my cancer and treatment - it was an emotional time. Cancer is so common, several women in the class are undergoing treatment, some are in remission, others are caring for family members suffering from it.
Our lesson was on Matt 11 - Jesus reassures John the Baptist, warns the unrepentant and promises the weary rest. Timely reminders that while circumstances might cause us to doubt and question, our hope and security is not dependent on circumstances, experience, feelings but solidly anchored in scripture. It's a comfort that I am yoked with Jesus' - His yoke is easy and his burden is light because He bears it with us.
Matt 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Answered Prayers
It's been a few days since i blogged (is that even a proper verb?). As usual in the first week of chemo cycle, I have been feeling very tired... maybe a little more than previous rounds. Hmm... I'm wondering if it has to do with a lower red blood count. Frequent trips to the toilet during the nights does not help fatigue of course. Thankfully the infection is clearing.
For each chemo cycle, I notice that I generally am able to eat well until day 3 or 4 and then the appetite goes, tummy feels less comfortable, mouth tastes funny etc. That is when I have to consciously eat and drink - an act of the will. I am unable to eat big meals as it makes me feel queasy so I have to eat more often which is not very "convenient".
Sometimes all i feel like eating is cream crackers dunked in hot coffee (comfort food from childhood). But since I've stopped drinking coffee, i dunk them in hot green tea and soy milk (doesn't taste the same though). On Sunday, I had a special treat, Reuben stopped at Burger King and bought me a Double Whopper which smelt great and tasted just as good. I could only eat just more than half and he had the rest.
On day 6 of the cycle (Sunday) I start getting diarrhoea which will last till day 10/11. This is an uncomfortable time. On Sunday night I was going to the toilet so often I worried about not sleeping well. So i prayed specifically for relief and God was gracious to answer my prayers - I slept from 11pm to 6am without getting up at all. I was refreshed and able to carry on with my BSF leaders meeting. This happened again on Monday, my tummy was upset all day but at night, in answer to prayer, I had relief throughout the night.
A friend of mine once shared that her husband, who was seeking spiritual truth, asked her how she knew God exists. She asked me what i would have said and i spoke at length about how the complexity of the world, of life convinces me that things did not come about by chance etc. I asked what she told her husband. Her reply? "I just told him i know God is real because He answers my prayers." Wow, such simple but profound faith.
Indeed God hears and answers the prayers of His beloved children. He has heard all the petitions being raised up for me, been gracious to me and given me relief and good results from he treatment. Praise the Lord!
Psalm 6:9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.
For each chemo cycle, I notice that I generally am able to eat well until day 3 or 4 and then the appetite goes, tummy feels less comfortable, mouth tastes funny etc. That is when I have to consciously eat and drink - an act of the will. I am unable to eat big meals as it makes me feel queasy so I have to eat more often which is not very "convenient".
Sometimes all i feel like eating is cream crackers dunked in hot coffee (comfort food from childhood). But since I've stopped drinking coffee, i dunk them in hot green tea and soy milk (doesn't taste the same though). On Sunday, I had a special treat, Reuben stopped at Burger King and bought me a Double Whopper which smelt great and tasted just as good. I could only eat just more than half and he had the rest.
On day 6 of the cycle (Sunday) I start getting diarrhoea which will last till day 10/11. This is an uncomfortable time. On Sunday night I was going to the toilet so often I worried about not sleeping well. So i prayed specifically for relief and God was gracious to answer my prayers - I slept from 11pm to 6am without getting up at all. I was refreshed and able to carry on with my BSF leaders meeting. This happened again on Monday, my tummy was upset all day but at night, in answer to prayer, I had relief throughout the night.
A friend of mine once shared that her husband, who was seeking spiritual truth, asked her how she knew God exists. She asked me what i would have said and i spoke at length about how the complexity of the world, of life convinces me that things did not come about by chance etc. I asked what she told her husband. Her reply? "I just told him i know God is real because He answers my prayers." Wow, such simple but profound faith.
Indeed God hears and answers the prayers of His beloved children. He has heard all the petitions being raised up for me, been gracious to me and given me relief and good results from he treatment. Praise the Lord!
Psalm 6:9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.
Family Service
Last Saturday, Alisha went out for a movie (Prince Caspian) with her best friends Vanessa and Agnes. They were accompanied by Lauretta (spelling?) one of their teachers from Children's Church. After the movies they went to church for rehearsals as they were taking part in the family service on Sunday. After their rehearsals, Vanessa and Agnes came for a sleep over.
We had a simple meal of spaghetti bolognese and salad for dinner. I went to bed at 10, woke up at 12, went back to bed and woke up at 2 and then finally had a good 4 hours sleep til 6am. I woke up refreshed and drove all the girls to church for the Family Service rehearsal before returning home for the rest.
Our church has family service once every 2 months. This is when ALL the children join us in the main service and the format of the service is tailored to cater to all age groups. Usually families (dad, mum & kids) in the church will take turns to lead the service. This last service was led by the Children's Church leaders and children. We had special items from the children and the teachers.
Instead of a sermon, the teaching time was a skit styled after "Are you smarter than a P6er?" presented by the P6 children and teachers. It was a hilarious time, but it creatively reminded us that the proper response to God and His Word is not pride or apathy but humility, repentance and child-like faith.
Alisha was involved in the skit and Janice was doing back-up singing for both services. They enjoyed themselves. The family service is a visual (and aural) reminder that God's family is diverse in its make up. We need to embrace the diversity, welcome, come alongside, bear and forbear, encourage one another. The service also helps me appreciate the creativity and passion of the teachers and children who dare think outside the box. It also helps us get out of our comfort zone and humbles us to know there are many ways to do things, my way is not the only way nor the best.
Luke 18:15-17 People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
We had a simple meal of spaghetti bolognese and salad for dinner. I went to bed at 10, woke up at 12, went back to bed and woke up at 2 and then finally had a good 4 hours sleep til 6am. I woke up refreshed and drove all the girls to church for the Family Service rehearsal before returning home for the rest.
Our church has family service once every 2 months. This is when ALL the children join us in the main service and the format of the service is tailored to cater to all age groups. Usually families (dad, mum & kids) in the church will take turns to lead the service. This last service was led by the Children's Church leaders and children. We had special items from the children and the teachers.
Instead of a sermon, the teaching time was a skit styled after "Are you smarter than a P6er?" presented by the P6 children and teachers. It was a hilarious time, but it creatively reminded us that the proper response to God and His Word is not pride or apathy but humility, repentance and child-like faith.
Alisha was involved in the skit and Janice was doing back-up singing for both services. They enjoyed themselves. The family service is a visual (and aural) reminder that God's family is diverse in its make up. We need to embrace the diversity, welcome, come alongside, bear and forbear, encourage one another. The service also helps me appreciate the creativity and passion of the teachers and children who dare think outside the box. It also helps us get out of our comfort zone and humbles us to know there are many ways to do things, my way is not the only way nor the best.
Luke 18:15-17 People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Updates
Alisha and David both came in second place for their age groups in the golf competition they played in yesterday. Janice played in the first day and did not qualify for the second day (finals). She says she played very badly! 5 of her balls went into water.
Yesterday morning, I went back to Dr Karen Yap to do an ultrasound of the tumor and lymph nodes. Praise the Lord, all the tumors have shrunk. Will probably schedule the mastectomy in September.
At noon I went to see my friend Wai Pek about this bony spur next to my molar which was causing my gum problems. She managed to snip it off and now the gum line is closing up again. Phew!
Today I feel extremely tired. Janice (sitting next to me) says "exhausted" is a more appropriate word. I know I have plenty that needs to be done but just didn't feel energetic enough to even to begin. Well, I had some sweet soy bean and some sweet cranberry and I feel a bit better.
Time for lunch!
Yesterday morning, I went back to Dr Karen Yap to do an ultrasound of the tumor and lymph nodes. Praise the Lord, all the tumors have shrunk. Will probably schedule the mastectomy in September.
At noon I went to see my friend Wai Pek about this bony spur next to my molar which was causing my gum problems. She managed to snip it off and now the gum line is closing up again. Phew!
Today I feel extremely tired. Janice (sitting next to me) says "exhausted" is a more appropriate word. I know I have plenty that needs to be done but just didn't feel energetic enough to even to begin. Well, I had some sweet soy bean and some sweet cranberry and I feel a bit better.
Time for lunch!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Children's News
The 4-week school holidays are coming to an end... The children will be returning to school on Monday. We were constrained in our holiday plans this year because of my illness. They spent 5 days with Reuben and Reuben's dad at church camp in Melaka.
Our kids have been kept pretty busy during the holidays though. During the holidays they still had to attend their tuition (Chinese for all, maths for Alisha), golf lessons and practice for all four, piano lessons for the girls. They also had an outing with Karen Lim and her kids to ice-skating, bowling and swimming. David and Alisha were invited by Nora and Sharin for a workshop to make a scrapbook.
Yesterday and today Jonathan played in the Standard Chartered Seletar Junior Golf Championship, representing his home club (Keppel). The competition was held in Seletar Golf Club (northern Singapore). Over the 2 days, he played well and came in first place for nett score 71/68 (Jon played 5 strokes lower than his handicap of 17.8), bringing home a crystal trophy. Jonathan shared with us that during the last 9 holes, he shot an "arrow" prayer, took a deep breath before taking each shot. He was very encouraged to play his lowest round of golf in a competition.
Today, Alisha, David and Janice played in a different golf competition in Changi (eastern Singapore). Alisha and David are both playing in the final round (top 4 players in their age group) tomorrow. Updates tomorrow.
Our kids have been kept pretty busy during the holidays though. During the holidays they still had to attend their tuition (Chinese for all, maths for Alisha), golf lessons and practice for all four, piano lessons for the girls. They also had an outing with Karen Lim and her kids to ice-skating, bowling and swimming. David and Alisha were invited by Nora and Sharin for a workshop to make a scrapbook.
Yesterday and today Jonathan played in the Standard Chartered Seletar Junior Golf Championship, representing his home club (Keppel). The competition was held in Seletar Golf Club (northern Singapore). Over the 2 days, he played well and came in first place for nett score 71/68 (Jon played 5 strokes lower than his handicap of 17.8), bringing home a crystal trophy. Jonathan shared with us that during the last 9 holes, he shot an "arrow" prayer, took a deep breath before taking each shot. He was very encouraged to play his lowest round of golf in a competition.
Today, Alisha, David and Janice played in a different golf competition in Changi (eastern Singapore). Alisha and David are both playing in the final round (top 4 players in their age group) tomorrow. Updates tomorrow.
Lows and Highs
These past 2 days after cycle 3 of chemo, I feel physically more tired than before... I woke up early yesterday and today but managed to get a nap of 3 hours yesterday and an hour today.
My last urine test on Monday showed I have UTI (urinary tract infection) - Dr KW took a urine culture on Tuesday and the results came out today. I had to return to the clinic to get the results and a course of antibiotics. The scary thing is, I have an E. Coli (very common bacteria) infection that is resistant to 5 different antibiotics! So now I have added Cranberry juice (which helps fight UTI) to my list of things to eat/drink... *sigh* there are only so many hours in a day and so many different supplements, helpful stuff to eat and drink.
My last urine test on Monday showed I have UTI (urinary tract infection) - Dr KW took a urine culture on Tuesday and the results came out today. I had to return to the clinic to get the results and a course of antibiotics. The scary thing is, I have an E. Coli (very common bacteria) infection that is resistant to 5 different antibiotics! So now I have added Cranberry juice (which helps fight UTI) to my list of things to eat/drink... *sigh* there are only so many hours in a day and so many different supplements, helpful stuff to eat and drink.
My friend Dr Un Wai Pek felt that I sounded "down" in my last few blog entries... I guess it's easy to feel down when my body does not seem to work quite as well as it usually does. I feel a bit slower and more easily tired. Plus the increased trips to the toilet. As the side-effects kick in, I do feel less comfortable, more queasy, have less appetite.
The distractions of visitors does help lift my spirit. 3 members of my music team: Karen, Lyn-Li and Yin came to visit yesterday. After tea, we had a session of singing - it was beautiful to make music together. Certainly something I want to do more of. Lin Choo (my BSF teaching leader from 1999 to 2006) came to visit today and prayed with me. My mum's friend from church came to visit with fruits, Wai Pek dropped by today with fresh muffins for the family... Thank you all so much!
I am returning to teach BSF class next week. Having the focus of something meaningful to do also keeps me going. Do pray for me as I embark on this - Dr KW has given me the green light but asked me to make adjustments to guard against infection.
A verse that encouraged me this week:
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Richard Chiam
I was pleasantly surprised to discover that some friends (and friends of friends) have stumbled upon my blog this past week because they were searching for information on Richard Chiam.
I am happy to announce that Richard is out of high dependency ward and transferred to a normal ward. He's able to carry on a conversation, read etc. However he is experiencing some disorientation and also is uncomfortable and restless. He was removing the dressing from his skull-less head!
A blog has been started to inform and update on Richard's condition: http://fobhug942.blogspot.com/
Please continue to go on your knees to pray for a full recovery for Richard and God's comfort and strength for his wife Gracie and his parents.
I am happy to announce that Richard is out of high dependency ward and transferred to a normal ward. He's able to carry on a conversation, read etc. However he is experiencing some disorientation and also is uncomfortable and restless. He was removing the dressing from his skull-less head!
A blog has been started to inform and update on Richard's condition: http://fobhug942.blogspot.com/
Please continue to go on your knees to pray for a full recovery for Richard and God's comfort and strength for his wife Gracie and his parents.
Cycle 3
I went to the oncologist today for cycle 3 of chemotherapy. My appt was for 10.30am but being kiasu and hoping to see the doctor earlier, i turned up before 9.00am. Turns out today was an extremely busy day and the doctor started clinic late. Every patient had at least one person accompanying them. One frail elderly man had daughter, wife and maid with him. A few had 2 children coming along as they did not speak English and the children had to comunicate with the doctor, explain instructions etc. You can imagine how crowded the waiting room was! I finally saw the doctor at about 11am.
Good news! My CEA Cancer Marker (Carcino-Embryonic Antigen) has gone down. The normal range is 0-4.7 ug/L. The results have gone down from 16.6 ug/L before cycle 1, to 12.9ug/L before cycle 2, to 6.5ug/L today! The lump is also much more diffuse and feels more normal. I will go for an ultrasound investigation on Friday to check the size of the tumors. My white blood count was good but the total red blood count (red blood cells, haematocrit and platelets) was marginally below the normal range.
Hearing of my long wait at the doctor, our cousin Rachel decided to bring me some pie, cookies and horlicks. Vera, who had offered to drive me home, came at about 12 with sandwiches, only to find me just about to start chemo. I finally started the chemo infusion at 12pm and it ended at 3.45pm. I made good use of the 3 hours by doing bible study and meditating. Joyce was there to take me home at 4pm.
After such a long day at the clinic, I felt exhausted. After having some tea, I still managed to play a game of scrabble with the kids. Well, going to bed now.
Good news! My CEA Cancer Marker (Carcino-Embryonic Antigen) has gone down. The normal range is 0-4.7 ug/L. The results have gone down from 16.6 ug/L before cycle 1, to 12.9ug/L before cycle 2, to 6.5ug/L today! The lump is also much more diffuse and feels more normal. I will go for an ultrasound investigation on Friday to check the size of the tumors. My white blood count was good but the total red blood count (red blood cells, haematocrit and platelets) was marginally below the normal range.
Hearing of my long wait at the doctor, our cousin Rachel decided to bring me some pie, cookies and horlicks. Vera, who had offered to drive me home, came at about 12 with sandwiches, only to find me just about to start chemo. I finally started the chemo infusion at 12pm and it ended at 3.45pm. I made good use of the 3 hours by doing bible study and meditating. Joyce was there to take me home at 4pm.
After such a long day at the clinic, I felt exhausted. After having some tea, I still managed to play a game of scrabble with the kids. Well, going to bed now.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Songs of Faith - Trust His Heart
Last week my sister-in-law Amanda sent me a book An Uninvited Guest by Jeana Floyd, about the author's journey with cancer. In this book, I discovered that it was 19th century preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon who said, "God is too good to be unkind, too wise to be mistaken, when we cannot trace His hand, we can always trust His heart."
Some years ago, I learnt a song containing those words in the chorus and it really struck a chord in my heart. Today my friend Margaret sent me an e-mail with the lyrics of this song to encourage me. The words of the song are not wishful thinking, just being optimistic or thinking positively.
In my experience of my walk with God (and I've gone through good and bad), He has proven Himself trustworthy, faithful, good. I know I can rest securely in His care even if all around me is a raging storm and even if my body fails. I pray the song encourages you too.
Trust His Heart (Sung by Babbie Mason)
All things work for our good,
Though sometimes we can’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two;
Sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what’s best for us;
His ways are not our own.
Sowhen your pathway grows dim,
And you just don’t see Him,
Remember He’s still on the throne.
Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken,
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
When you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand,
Trust His heart.
He sees the Master plan;
He holds the future in His hands.
So don’t live as those who have no hope -
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge;
But He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry,
He’s weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him.
You can hear the song on YouTube http://youtube.com/watch?v=vh65wLVbaww
Some years ago, I learnt a song containing those words in the chorus and it really struck a chord in my heart. Today my friend Margaret sent me an e-mail with the lyrics of this song to encourage me. The words of the song are not wishful thinking, just being optimistic or thinking positively.
In my experience of my walk with God (and I've gone through good and bad), He has proven Himself trustworthy, faithful, good. I know I can rest securely in His care even if all around me is a raging storm and even if my body fails. I pray the song encourages you too.
Trust His Heart (Sung by Babbie Mason)
All things work for our good,
Though sometimes we can’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two;
Sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what’s best for us;
His ways are not our own.
Sowhen your pathway grows dim,
And you just don’t see Him,
Remember He’s still on the throne.
Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken,
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
When you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand,
Trust His heart.
He sees the Master plan;
He holds the future in His hands.
So don’t live as those who have no hope -
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge;
But He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry,
He’s weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him.
You can hear the song on YouTube http://youtube.com/watch?v=vh65wLVbaww
David's Thoughts
During the church camp, Reuben had opportunity to ask David (our 9+ year old) to share his feelings and thoughts about my having cancer. This is what Reuben recalls of the conversation with David. David said he was sad and happy.
This is the child who surprised me when, as a pre-schooler, he told me Solomon was like the wheat sowed among weeds. He had put Jesus' parable of the seeds scattered on different soils together with the story of how Solomon's devotion to God's dissipated with his increasing wealth and wives! As a stay-home-mum, striving to teach and model godliness, these glimpses of the children's growing understanding bring untold joy.
James 1:2-4 (NIRV) My brothers and sisters, you will face all kinds of trouble. When you do, think of it as pure joy. Your faith will be put to the test. You know that when that happens it will produce in you the strength to continue. The strength to keep going must be allowed to finish its work. Then you will be all you should be. You will have everything you need.
"... sad because mum has cancer and she may die. But happy because James 1:2 tells us to be happy even when we face trouble. Job lost everything but did not curse God. Job suffered so much more but he still had God."
This is the child who surprised me when, as a pre-schooler, he told me Solomon was like the wheat sowed among weeds. He had put Jesus' parable of the seeds scattered on different soils together with the story of how Solomon's devotion to God's dissipated with his increasing wealth and wives! As a stay-home-mum, striving to teach and model godliness, these glimpses of the children's growing understanding bring untold joy.
James 1:2-4 (NIRV) My brothers and sisters, you will face all kinds of trouble. When you do, think of it as pure joy. Your faith will be put to the test. You know that when that happens it will produce in you the strength to continue. The strength to keep going must be allowed to finish its work. Then you will be all you should be. You will have everything you need.
Comfort Food
My dear friend Elizabeth who's a true blue Aussie made this observation after reading my blog,
I have truly been so blessed to be loved by so many. It's not just food or your gifts, but your love and concern expressed in e-mails, text messages, phone calls, prayers mean a lot to me and my family. In fact it makes me feel ashamed because to date, I have loved so poorly but am loved so richly. It's a small picture of God's grace - God's kindness, riches and goodness to the utterly undeserving. 2 Corinthians 8:9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
Last week, Eileen came with healthy frozen fish for me. Alyssa sent flowers. Our friend Erin sent a beautiful coffee table book of Colorado for our enjoyment.
Elaine came this morning, arms laden with chocolate cake and banana cake for the family, to drive me to the doctor's clinic for a blood test. Then we had breakfast at Dome in Dempsey Road, it was a nice and quiet spot which was great for conversation.
When I got back, my friend Shiao Yin was at my place with doughnuts for the kids. I only met SY a few months ago at church and after a short conversation, we've been communicating by SMS mostly. Despite promising to meet for coffee, we never did get around to it... until today. It was good to be able to share from the heart about our Christian walk.
In the evening, my mum's friend from Glory Presbyterian came to visit and brought chinese pears. She also wanted to assure me of her prayers.
"i must say i have always known it, but if ever it was doubted yr case proves the point...Chinese use food as such a tool for socialising and as a comfort and celebration. U have been given so many delicacies. i guess its true food soothes the weary spirit. It must certainly make you feel loved. i love to think of all your caring friends spoiling you. Food for the soul. You are so dearly loved by many."
I have truly been so blessed to be loved by so many. It's not just food or your gifts, but your love and concern expressed in e-mails, text messages, phone calls, prayers mean a lot to me and my family. In fact it makes me feel ashamed because to date, I have loved so poorly but am loved so richly. It's a small picture of God's grace - God's kindness, riches and goodness to the utterly undeserving. 2 Corinthians 8:9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
Last week, Eileen came with healthy frozen fish for me. Alyssa sent flowers. Our friend Erin sent a beautiful coffee table book of Colorado for our enjoyment.
Elaine came this morning, arms laden with chocolate cake and banana cake for the family, to drive me to the doctor's clinic for a blood test. Then we had breakfast at Dome in Dempsey Road, it was a nice and quiet spot which was great for conversation.
When I got back, my friend Shiao Yin was at my place with doughnuts for the kids. I only met SY a few months ago at church and after a short conversation, we've been communicating by SMS mostly. Despite promising to meet for coffee, we never did get around to it... until today. It was good to be able to share from the heart about our Christian walk.
In the evening, my mum's friend from Glory Presbyterian came to visit and brought chinese pears. She also wanted to assure me of her prayers.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friends
Reuben and I moved to Singapore from Brisbane Australia in 1991. Reuben came first in January and started work while I came in Jul as I had to finish off my studies. At that time, our plan was to stay a couple of years... We've now lived 17 years in Singapore! How quickly time passes.
Several of our friends who studied in Brisbane also returned to work in Singapore in '91. In our first year here, we used to meet our returnee friends monthly for bible study, fellowship and eat together. Over the years, as we settled down and life became more hectic, the meetings became fewer and farther apart.
Today we managed to catch up with a couple whom I have not seen since 1991. Our friend Dr Weber Lau, a urologist in SGH came by to visit, encourage and pray for us. He also brought a book for me. In the afternoon, I went to see his wife Dr Gan Ai Tee, a dentist to check on the ulcer in my gum.
In the evening our friend Loh Seng Yee came to visit and have a quick dinner with us. He had moved to London with his family at the end of 2007 for a job posting. He brought us biscuits from London, a beautiful hat picked by his wife Joyce for me and gift vouchers (so practical!). We first got to know Seng Yee and Joyce through the children's swimming lessons, then Joyce became their piano teacher and our friendship grew from there...
We thank God for the loyalty and "stickability" of friends and loved ones in good and difficult times. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and practical help. Thank you especially for reminding us of the Lord.
Several of our friends who studied in Brisbane also returned to work in Singapore in '91. In our first year here, we used to meet our returnee friends monthly for bible study, fellowship and eat together. Over the years, as we settled down and life became more hectic, the meetings became fewer and farther apart.
Today we managed to catch up with a couple whom I have not seen since 1991. Our friend Dr Weber Lau, a urologist in SGH came by to visit, encourage and pray for us. He also brought a book for me. In the afternoon, I went to see his wife Dr Gan Ai Tee, a dentist to check on the ulcer in my gum.
In the evening our friend Loh Seng Yee came to visit and have a quick dinner with us. He had moved to London with his family at the end of 2007 for a job posting. He brought us biscuits from London, a beautiful hat picked by his wife Joyce for me and gift vouchers (so practical!). We first got to know Seng Yee and Joyce through the children's swimming lessons, then Joyce became their piano teacher and our friendship grew from there...
We thank God for the loyalty and "stickability" of friends and loved ones in good and difficult times. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and practical help. Thank you especially for reminding us of the Lord.
Friday, June 13, 2008
In God's Hands
Praise the Lord! I have to tell you the good news!
Our friend Richard who underwent 2 emergency surgeries has regained consciousness. He is able to recognise his family, able to move his limbs. Praise the Lord for hearing and answering our prayers to preserve his life!
My friend LL was extremely ill last year with cancer and was bedridden for a while. The cancer is now in remission. Although weak physically, I was overjoyed to see that she was able to go for a short overseas holiday with her husband, attend church camp, drive. The Lord was pleased to grant us our petition to preserve her life and she says,
Our friend Richard who underwent 2 emergency surgeries has regained consciousness. He is able to recognise his family, able to move his limbs. Praise the Lord for hearing and answering our prayers to preserve his life!
My friend LL was extremely ill last year with cancer and was bedridden for a while. The cancer is now in remission. Although weak physically, I was overjoyed to see that she was able to go for a short overseas holiday with her husband, attend church camp, drive. The Lord was pleased to grant us our petition to preserve her life and she says,
"...we pray for the grace of GOD for extended time, it is not the doctors who can tell us how long we live, they cannot extend our life, not even for a single day. Our times are in His hand so we beseech our LORD for His favour to our heart’s desire. Actually the next question (s) I should ask myself is …why should the LORD give me the extended time and what would He want me to do with the extended time and will I do as He wish. The LORD is teaching us all the time because HE loves us."
Amen!
Psalm 119:88 "Preserve my life according to your love, and I will obey the statutes of your mouth."
Long Day
I remember Reuben asking Dr KW at my first chemo whether I should isolate myself for the duration of chemo treatment. She said that I should carry on living as normally as possible - with allowances for fatigue etc. She said it was ok for me to go to church but advised I sit at the side, not in the middle of the congregation. I asked "I can still have a social life?" and, to my delight, she said "Of course!"
I've been careful, avoiding crowded places. When I do go out to church or shopping centres I would wear a mask. Thankfully I am not overly self-conscious even with my mask and hat on. I do enjoy being out and about, doing things with and for the children rather than beeing cooped up at home all the time.
Today I had a long outing. All our 4 children took part in a junior golf competition at Warren Golf CC. Jonathan and Alisha played 18 holes in the handicap division. David played a 3-hole PC competition and Janice participated in the skills contest. None of them won any prizes but we were especially proud of Alisha as it was her first time playing 18 holes at Warren - long course.
We woke up at 6 am, left the house at 7 am and did not get home til about 4 pm because the competition was rain delayed and we stayed for the lunch and prize giving. I was so exhausted at the end and was nursing a headache, on arrival home, i just went to bed for two and a half hours. This has been my longest outing since my diagnosis. Have to be careful not to overdo things.
Just after we arrived home, my friend Janet Koh came by to deliver a gift. Janet and Ruth Seah had bought me a hamper full of organic foods (thank you!). Thank you all our dear friends for anticipating and meeting our needs.
I've been careful, avoiding crowded places. When I do go out to church or shopping centres I would wear a mask. Thankfully I am not overly self-conscious even with my mask and hat on. I do enjoy being out and about, doing things with and for the children rather than beeing cooped up at home all the time.
Today I had a long outing. All our 4 children took part in a junior golf competition at Warren Golf CC. Jonathan and Alisha played 18 holes in the handicap division. David played a 3-hole PC competition and Janice participated in the skills contest. None of them won any prizes but we were especially proud of Alisha as it was her first time playing 18 holes at Warren - long course.
We woke up at 6 am, left the house at 7 am and did not get home til about 4 pm because the competition was rain delayed and we stayed for the lunch and prize giving. I was so exhausted at the end and was nursing a headache, on arrival home, i just went to bed for two and a half hours. This has been my longest outing since my diagnosis. Have to be careful not to overdo things.
Just after we arrived home, my friend Janet Koh came by to deliver a gift. Janet and Ruth Seah had bought me a hamper full of organic foods (thank you!). Thank you all our dear friends for anticipating and meeting our needs.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Songs of Faith - Amazing Grace
Our friend Dr Kevin Kwok read that I was not sleeping well because of aches and pains. When he said he was coming over with something to help me sleep, I thought he was bringing me some sedatives. Instead, he surpised me with a rug made of Farabloc - supposed to relieve aches and pains - not quite sure if it'll work but it's worth a try. You can Google find out more info about Farabloc.
I've used the rug for 2 nights now, sleeping better but a bit restless in the night. So still a bit heavy lidded in the day.
Kevin also shared with me his latest favourite song - Amazing Grace (My chains are off). It's the same hymn with new tune and an additional chorus added. Lyrics below and you can hear it on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyFxArMeRDI. Beautiful hymn that never ceases to touch my heart.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine
I've used the rug for 2 nights now, sleeping better but a bit restless in the night. So still a bit heavy lidded in the day.
Kevin also shared with me his latest favourite song - Amazing Grace (My chains are off). It's the same hymn with new tune and an additional chorus added. Lyrics below and you can hear it on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyFxArMeRDI. Beautiful hymn that never ceases to touch my heart.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Living and Dying
In the day-to-day busy-ness of life, it's easy to think that there will always be tomorrow, next week, month and year. In reality though, our lives are fragile and there is no certainty that there will be a next hour let alone next year.
Soon after I was diagnosed with cancer, I read in the papers about a breast cancer survivor who, on her way home from dragon boat practice, was knocked down by a car and killed instantly. She survived cancer to die in an accident.
On Saturday, I went to the funeral wake of Andrew Ong's mum. She had been suffering from cancer for a couple of years and undergoing treatment. Her family did not expect her condition to suddenly deteriorate and pass on so quickly.
While at the wake, Reuben called from the church camp in Melaka to tell me that our friend Richard Chiam, who had been nursing a headache for 3 days, had lost consciousness. At the hospital, they discovered a hemorrhage in the skull and he underwent emergency surgery. He was airlifted back to Singapore when his condition stabilised. Last night he underwent another surgery because the bleeding had not stopped and the doctors have not found the source. In situations like these, even the doctors are powerless to help. We can only pray for him, his wife Gracie and his family.
How should I live knowing that this day may be the last? How ready am I to face my maker? These are important questions to ponder...
Soon after I was diagnosed with cancer, I read in the papers about a breast cancer survivor who, on her way home from dragon boat practice, was knocked down by a car and killed instantly. She survived cancer to die in an accident.
On Saturday, I went to the funeral wake of Andrew Ong's mum. She had been suffering from cancer for a couple of years and undergoing treatment. Her family did not expect her condition to suddenly deteriorate and pass on so quickly.
While at the wake, Reuben called from the church camp in Melaka to tell me that our friend Richard Chiam, who had been nursing a headache for 3 days, had lost consciousness. At the hospital, they discovered a hemorrhage in the skull and he underwent emergency surgery. He was airlifted back to Singapore when his condition stabilised. Last night he underwent another surgery because the bleeding had not stopped and the doctors have not found the source. In situations like these, even the doctors are powerless to help. We can only pray for him, his wife Gracie and his family.
How should I live knowing that this day may be the last? How ready am I to face my maker? These are important questions to ponder...
Phil 1:18b-21 " Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
Monday, June 9, 2008
Catching Up With Old Friends
Wow! the weekend went quickly. I had a good break and some extended quiet times. I felt energetic today and was able to make cheesecake for dessert - a surprise for the family and to welcome them back.
The family returned from church camp at 3pm. They all enjoyed themselves very much although Reuben was a bit stressed with keeping tabs on the kids. The children had extended time to spend with their friends. Reuben found the talks relevant, meaningful and comforting; and the sharing encouraging and uplifting. Camps are great for extended time of fellowship and getting to know others.
This past weeks since my diagnosis, God has been giving me opportunities to catch up with old friends. Lynette, my dear friend and flatmate in Australia drove me to one of my check ups with Dr Wong. She waited with me and then we had a good talk over lunch.
Yesterday I met our friends Young and Wilson Quilindo at church. They used to live in Singapore about 7 years ago and were part of my music team at church - Wilson is great on the guitar and Young sings. Now based in New York City, they were in town to visit family. We had lunch and then came to have coffee at our house.
Yesterday evening Amy and Chong Kiat came to visit. I used to sing with them in their group the Cross Connection - that's where I learnt how to sing contemporary style. Before that, I only knew how to sing "choir style" because of my many years in school and church choirs. I miss singing in a group and hearing the harmony of the parts... sends chills down my spine. I think that's one of the things I will start doing again soon.
Lynette Lo, Chong Kiat's sister, calls regularly to ask after me and talk even though her own health is not tip top. She even made lemon grass tea for me and delivered it when she read that it's good for killing cancer cells.
My old childhood friends from BP came to visit and pray for me after my first chemo. Although we all live quite near each other in Singapore, we don't see each other often (once in 2-3 years?). Ling Ling has been to my place several times now to help me with insurance matters and calls to encourage me. Each time she comes laden with food for the family. My friend Ps Leslie makes time to fast and pray for me.
It's been a full week - praise God for each day lived to the full.
The family returned from church camp at 3pm. They all enjoyed themselves very much although Reuben was a bit stressed with keeping tabs on the kids. The children had extended time to spend with their friends. Reuben found the talks relevant, meaningful and comforting; and the sharing encouraging and uplifting. Camps are great for extended time of fellowship and getting to know others.
This past weeks since my diagnosis, God has been giving me opportunities to catch up with old friends. Lynette, my dear friend and flatmate in Australia drove me to one of my check ups with Dr Wong. She waited with me and then we had a good talk over lunch.
Yesterday I met our friends Young and Wilson Quilindo at church. They used to live in Singapore about 7 years ago and were part of my music team at church - Wilson is great on the guitar and Young sings. Now based in New York City, they were in town to visit family. We had lunch and then came to have coffee at our house.
Yesterday evening Amy and Chong Kiat came to visit. I used to sing with them in their group the Cross Connection - that's where I learnt how to sing contemporary style. Before that, I only knew how to sing "choir style" because of my many years in school and church choirs. I miss singing in a group and hearing the harmony of the parts... sends chills down my spine. I think that's one of the things I will start doing again soon.
Lynette Lo, Chong Kiat's sister, calls regularly to ask after me and talk even though her own health is not tip top. She even made lemon grass tea for me and delivered it when she read that it's good for killing cancer cells.
My old childhood friends from BP came to visit and pray for me after my first chemo. Although we all live quite near each other in Singapore, we don't see each other often (once in 2-3 years?). Ling Ling has been to my place several times now to help me with insurance matters and calls to encourage me. Each time she comes laden with food for the family. My friend Ps Leslie makes time to fast and pray for me.
It's been a full week - praise God for each day lived to the full.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Sleepless in Singapore
Last night I had trouble sleeping. After tossing and turning for what seemed like ages, I finally fell asleep but woke up at 3 am and was unable to sleep again til 6 am and then phone rang at 8.30am.
I'm feeling sleepy but when I lay in bed, sleep does not come. Today a bit more aches and pains especially in my shoulder (bad posture!) and the pain does not go away even when I'm lying down. Hmmm could it be a side effect of the chemo? I was told by a friend that she has nerve damage from chemo and now her toes and fingers are numb.
Please pray for sleep tonight and protection of my nerves. Must go out and buy Neurobion - a supplement that protects the nerves.
I'm feeling sleepy but when I lay in bed, sleep does not come. Today a bit more aches and pains especially in my shoulder (bad posture!) and the pain does not go away even when I'm lying down. Hmmm could it be a side effect of the chemo? I was told by a friend that she has nerve damage from chemo and now her toes and fingers are numb.
Please pray for sleep tonight and protection of my nerves. Must go out and buy Neurobion - a supplement that protects the nerves.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Antibiotics
Today I woke up with my left maxillary sinus blocked and my frontal sinuses hurting. The slight cough I've had since 2 weeks ago seemed more irritating than ever. Did not sleep so well. *sigh* time to start eating the antibiotics that Dr KW had given me on standby. Was hoping it would not be necessary.
The ulcer in my gum is healing, feels less painful and the "wound" is getting smaller. I did not have to take drastic action of brushing till it bleeds and salting it.
I am eating well again, the woozy feeling is gone and even my abdomen is not twisting and turning. Praise God for big and small blessings. My God is a Red Sea-splitting God.
The ulcer in my gum is healing, feels less painful and the "wound" is getting smaller. I did not have to take drastic action of brushing till it bleeds and salting it.
I am eating well again, the woozy feeling is gone and even my abdomen is not twisting and turning. Praise God for big and small blessings. My God is a Red Sea-splitting God.
Isaiah 43:1b-2 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Love Outpoured
I am so thankful for all my friends. Especially the beautiful extended Christian family I have from church and BSF. You have been such a blessing to me and to my family.
Since my diagnosis to now, we have received much love in the form of practical help and been well fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some of what we received this week:
Last Friday - Karen Lim took my brood of 4 with her own 3 to ice-skating, lunch, bowling and swimming.
Sunday - Chiew Wan, Nam and Angeline came to visit, bringing ice-cream, juice, eyebrow pencil to teach me how draw it; Susan dropped an eyebrow template in my mailbox (hah, it will be easy peasy to draw it!); Hazel brough chicken essence.
Monday - Vera took Jonathan, who'd sprained his ankle, and David to a chinese sinseh for massage, followed by McDonalds and ice cream from Island Creamery. Joyce brought ice cream from Daily Scoop. My friend Diane and her family drove from KL just to visit and pray, bearing organic dragon fruit and freshly made noodles.
Tuesday - Siang Hwa came with cookies and to certify something for me.
Wednesday - Siang Hwa again with chlorhexidine and supplements.
Thursday - Mona Chia came to visit with me, bringing lychee and mangoes and prayer.
Today - my friend Carol called from Melbourne. Siew Lian brought grapes, papaya, and a whole fresh fish! 4 of my friends from BSF Bukit Batok, Vera, Joyce, Tai Wan, Alison brought lunch - salad, prawns, baked fish, cauliflower soup, char siew, bread, cakes, papaya, pears. We had a feast!
Christine See brought me a book by Philip Yancey on Prayer, a pouch that Kurt (her son) had personalised for me! Kah Choo sent me a bottle of concentrated birds nest, Grace Seow sent fruits. My music team at church sent me a hamper with chicken essence, fish essence, birds nest. I've also been loaned an Omega juicer by Hao Hsing. 2boxes of surgical masks came from Adrian and Esther and Yeap. Jaime & Hang brought cakes and a Bible in MP3 format. Laura Yan cooked white fungus with lotus and gingko seeds.
I have been loaned and given books Cancer Battle Plan Linda, Hope for the Journey through Cancer from Clem and Ailin, When It Pours He Reigns from my sister in law Amanda, books on juicing etc.
I want to thank and acknowledge each of you but if I missed missed your name, it's not that I don't appreciate you. Thank you for pouring out love for us. We long to have opportunity to bless you in return.
Since my diagnosis to now, we have received much love in the form of practical help and been well fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some of what we received this week:
Last Friday - Karen Lim took my brood of 4 with her own 3 to ice-skating, lunch, bowling and swimming.
Sunday - Chiew Wan, Nam and Angeline came to visit, bringing ice-cream, juice, eyebrow pencil to teach me how draw it; Susan dropped an eyebrow template in my mailbox (hah, it will be easy peasy to draw it!); Hazel brough chicken essence.
Monday - Vera took Jonathan, who'd sprained his ankle, and David to a chinese sinseh for massage, followed by McDonalds and ice cream from Island Creamery. Joyce brought ice cream from Daily Scoop. My friend Diane and her family drove from KL just to visit and pray, bearing organic dragon fruit and freshly made noodles.
Tuesday - Siang Hwa came with cookies and to certify something for me.
Wednesday - Siang Hwa again with chlorhexidine and supplements.
Thursday - Mona Chia came to visit with me, bringing lychee and mangoes and prayer.
Today - my friend Carol called from Melbourne. Siew Lian brought grapes, papaya, and a whole fresh fish! 4 of my friends from BSF Bukit Batok, Vera, Joyce, Tai Wan, Alison brought lunch - salad, prawns, baked fish, cauliflower soup, char siew, bread, cakes, papaya, pears. We had a feast!
Christine See brought me a book by Philip Yancey on Prayer, a pouch that Kurt (her son) had personalised for me! Kah Choo sent me a bottle of concentrated birds nest, Grace Seow sent fruits. My music team at church sent me a hamper with chicken essence, fish essence, birds nest. I've also been loaned an Omega juicer by Hao Hsing. 2boxes of surgical masks came from Adrian and Esther and Yeap. Jaime & Hang brought cakes and a Bible in MP3 format. Laura Yan cooked white fungus with lotus and gingko seeds.
I have been loaned and given books Cancer Battle Plan Linda, Hope for the Journey through Cancer from Clem and Ailin, When It Pours He Reigns from my sister in law Amanda, books on juicing etc.
I want to thank and acknowledge each of you but if I missed missed your name, it's not that I don't appreciate you. Thank you for pouring out love for us. We long to have opportunity to bless you in return.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Down Times
At the end of last week and beginning of this, I felt quite bad. As i said, the side effects are not very severe but drains energy, enthusiasm. Some days i did not feel like reading the bible, did not feel like praying. Thank God for hymns I learned and memorised through Sunday School and years in the choir which help remind me of the Lord.
I've also been reading a book, In the Likeness of God (originally published as 2 books - Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and In His Image), which my sister-in-law Pauline gave me. This is an awe-inspiring page turner (highly recommended!) co-authored by the late Dr Paul Brand, world-renowned hand surgeon and leprosy specialist, and Philip Yancey.
I love the way they examine the design and describe the beauty of the human body. The body which I take for granted is wonderfully designed, each cell, each organ is perfectly suited for its function in the body.
They then examine what the analogy of the church as the body of Christ means.
I've also been reading a book, In the Likeness of God (originally published as 2 books - Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and In His Image), which my sister-in-law Pauline gave me. This is an awe-inspiring page turner (highly recommended!) co-authored by the late Dr Paul Brand, world-renowned hand surgeon and leprosy specialist, and Philip Yancey.
I love the way they examine the design and describe the beauty of the human body. The body which I take for granted is wonderfully designed, each cell, each organ is perfectly suited for its function in the body.
They then examine what the analogy of the church as the body of Christ means.
"The body is one unit, though it is made up of many cells, and though all its cells are many, they form one body... If the white cell should say, because I am not a brain cell, I do not belong to the body, it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.... If all cells were the same, where would the body be? As it is there are many cells but one body." (Paraphrase of 1 Cor 12:12-20 replacing organs with cells)
"That analogy conveys a more precise meaning to me because though a hand or foot or ear cannot have a life separate from the body, a cell does have that potential. It can be part of the body as a loyalist, or it can cling on to its own life. Some cells do choose to live in the body, sharing its benefits while maintaining complete independence - they become parasites or cancer cells."
2 Down, 4 to Go
After a few days of "down time", I am glad to report that I am keeping well and praise God, the fatigue for day 8-10 is over and I am more energetic again.
It's exactly a month since I started chemotherapy, 2 down, 4 to go. When I saw Dr Wong on 20 May, 2 weeks after chemo and feeling quite well, I asked whether she could make the cycles shorter. Instead of chemo once every 3 weeks, how about doing chemo fortnightly and that way i could be over and done with them in 12 weeks instead of 18!
Unfortunately the answer was "No". Every chemo drug has its own half-life (time that it takes for the body to remove 1/2 the infused drug from the body). So we cannot compare chemotherapy regimen from person to person (some daily, others fortnightly etc). It all depends on what cancer, what stage, what type of cells and what the cells are susceptible to. As the drugs that I'm taking have a long half-life, they stay in the body longer and therefore I can only take them every 3 weeks. *Sigh* I cannot have my way about this...
Sometimes I feel like a child on a long road trip, asking constantly, "Are we there yet? When are we going to get there?" I pray for patience, perseverance, endurance for the journey. Some parts of this journey is difficult and slow to pass, the waiting is difficult... A friend who was treated for naso-pharyngeal cancer a couple of years ago shared the pain and suffering she endured... To date, i have suffered very minor side effects so I shall not whine... but I'd like to just share some of it with you.
Sunday night I was starting to have abdominal pains and runny stool. Monday morning I woke up feeling a bit queasy. After drinking a BIG mug of fresh juice - broccoli-carrot-apple-bittergourd-tomato-capsicum (imagine the taste and smell!) I felt even more uneasy! I was restless, so i started chopping and cooking a cream of vegetable soup for lunch (my kids love "ang-moh" style soup).
At 11.30am I felt hungry as I still had not eaten breakfast. The slight nausea had not passed. Finally went to take a few sips of water and that was what opened the flood-gates!
Thankfully after throwing up, I felt much better and was even able to have some of the soup I i cooked (sans cream) with a few spoonfuls of rice thrown in. Since then I have been a bit leery of vege juice, I still drink it but stick with tried and tested combinations like broccoli-carrot-apple or carrot-apple-celery. Maybe bittergourd, tomato and capsicum all in the same concoction was a tad ambitious!
Another nagging thing I am suffering is gingivitis (gum inflammation) next to the last molar on my lower left jaw. It has been there since day 1 of cycle 1 of chemo. It healed a little and flared up again. Somedays the pain is so bad it feels like a toothache. I have been treating it with brushing, saline gargle, sometimes applying salt directly (ouch!!!). My dear friend Siang Hwa came by with a chlorhexidine gargle (antiseptic) and it helps a bit.
Through this, I am remembering to rejoice in the Lord and not the circumstances. More of that later.
It's exactly a month since I started chemotherapy, 2 down, 4 to go. When I saw Dr Wong on 20 May, 2 weeks after chemo and feeling quite well, I asked whether she could make the cycles shorter. Instead of chemo once every 3 weeks, how about doing chemo fortnightly and that way i could be over and done with them in 12 weeks instead of 18!
Unfortunately the answer was "No". Every chemo drug has its own half-life (time that it takes for the body to remove 1/2 the infused drug from the body). So we cannot compare chemotherapy regimen from person to person (some daily, others fortnightly etc). It all depends on what cancer, what stage, what type of cells and what the cells are susceptible to. As the drugs that I'm taking have a long half-life, they stay in the body longer and therefore I can only take them every 3 weeks. *Sigh* I cannot have my way about this...
Sometimes I feel like a child on a long road trip, asking constantly, "Are we there yet? When are we going to get there?" I pray for patience, perseverance, endurance for the journey. Some parts of this journey is difficult and slow to pass, the waiting is difficult... A friend who was treated for naso-pharyngeal cancer a couple of years ago shared the pain and suffering she endured... To date, i have suffered very minor side effects so I shall not whine... but I'd like to just share some of it with you.
Sunday night I was starting to have abdominal pains and runny stool. Monday morning I woke up feeling a bit queasy. After drinking a BIG mug of fresh juice - broccoli-carrot-apple-bittergourd-tomato-capsicum (imagine the taste and smell!) I felt even more uneasy! I was restless, so i started chopping and cooking a cream of vegetable soup for lunch (my kids love "ang-moh" style soup).
At 11.30am I felt hungry as I still had not eaten breakfast. The slight nausea had not passed. Finally went to take a few sips of water and that was what opened the flood-gates!
Thankfully after throwing up, I felt much better and was even able to have some of the soup I i cooked (sans cream) with a few spoonfuls of rice thrown in. Since then I have been a bit leery of vege juice, I still drink it but stick with tried and tested combinations like broccoli-carrot-apple or carrot-apple-celery. Maybe bittergourd, tomato and capsicum all in the same concoction was a tad ambitious!
Another nagging thing I am suffering is gingivitis (gum inflammation) next to the last molar on my lower left jaw. It has been there since day 1 of cycle 1 of chemo. It healed a little and flared up again. Somedays the pain is so bad it feels like a toothache. I have been treating it with brushing, saline gargle, sometimes applying salt directly (ouch!!!). My dear friend Siang Hwa came by with a chlorhexidine gargle (antiseptic) and it helps a bit.
Through this, I am remembering to rejoice in the Lord and not the circumstances. More of that later.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Tired
I've been feeling very tired the last 4 days after chemotherapy and have had neither the inclination nor energy to update the blog. It's an awful feeling to be unable to carry on with routine stuff. Sitting down to bible study, I would constantly be yawning! Last night I finally realised that I was hung over from sedatives!
Reuben woke up then and we spent about an hour talking, sharing, crying. Then we slept - I drifted in an out of sleep a few times. At least the dullness of mind was gone, despite being sleepy, I was able to attend church service again.
Today was a busy day. My friends Chiew Wan, Angeline and Nam from church came to visit. Angeline had bought me an eyebrow pencil and taught me how to draw it! Hazel, Reuben's colleague and our family friend came after, then my brother Harry came to spend some time with us.
My oncologist had prescribed some Ativan tablets to help me sleep better since sleeplessness was a bit of a problem after cycle 1. The pills come in tiny little blue tablets of 0.5mg and I was to take 2 tablets, 2 hours before bed time. I slept well each night (10 hours) but during the day I was feeling extremely tired and sleepy as well. I would take an afternoon nap and still feel tired!
Well, I skipped the tablets last night and had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I woke up at 3 am from a dream of my father, who passed away in 1971 when I was 6+. Even now, 37 years later, I still miss him. I thought of what it would be like for my kids and I cried to the Lord to prolong my life.
Well, I skipped the tablets last night and had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I woke up at 3 am from a dream of my father, who passed away in 1971 when I was 6+. Even now, 37 years later, I still miss him. I thought of what it would be like for my kids and I cried to the Lord to prolong my life.
Psalm 18: 1-6 I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Praise the Lord!
Reuben woke up then and we spent about an hour talking, sharing, crying. Then we slept - I drifted in an out of sleep a few times. At least the dullness of mind was gone, despite being sleepy, I was able to attend church service again.
Today was a busy day. My friends Chiew Wan, Angeline and Nam from church came to visit. Angeline had bought me an eyebrow pencil and taught me how to draw it! Hazel, Reuben's colleague and our family friend came after, then my brother Harry came to spend some time with us.
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